My Wife, The Spy.

(Not My Wife)

My darling wife, I think, has missed her calling in life. First of all, she has an amazing ability to ferret out information. I think the internet was created so she would have ways of finding things out. I think if she were to perform a background check on someone, its depth would rival the FBI. Seriously, she’s good. There are no secrets from her.

However, in spite of this, she has another gift. Getting information out of her takes an act of congress. I have reason to suspect that if she were ever in a situation where someone was trying to draw something out of her, She would put Ethan Hunt, Jason Bourne, and James Bond to shame.

It is infuriating.

This morning, for example- we had a conversation.

She runs a modest little Esty shop online where she sells handmade felt crafts. She’s very creative and clever, and people enjoy the things she has made for them. Recently, she undertook two rather large projects. They were both finished around the same time, and shipped out a week or so ago. This morning I inquired about them.

Me: “Hey Hon, have you gotten any feedback on those orders yet?”
Her: “No, Not yet.”
Me: “Oh, okay. Just wondering.”
{A few seconds later}
Her: “Well. Not officially anyway.”
Me: “But you have heard from them?”
Her: “Yes.”
Me: “AND? What did they say?”
Her: “They loved them.”

At this point I gave up, realizing that my initial question should have been:

“Have you in any capacity, official or unofficial, heard from either of your two customers in regards to the product you had crafted and shipped to them, and if so, what was their reaction in detail?”

I’m certain that the main sentiment behind my initial question was abundantly clear, but she specifically answered the questions that I ASKED, and volunteered no more information. It is for this reason that I think that under one of those investigative sessions with a single swinging light bulb over her head, the goons on the other side of the metal table wouldn’t ever get anything out of her.

I can’t, and we’ve been together over a decade.

So if the CIA or MI6 is hiring, send them my way, I have the perfect operative for them. Oh, she can shoot too…which is one of the reasons I don’t push to hard to extract information myself.

I’m joking.





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