Daddy Fail: The Lawnmower vs. Sunglasses Incident

After several weeks of constantly bouncing between Security, PD, IT, Ambulance Standbys, Pre-School obligations, and everything else under the sun, Saturday finally showed up. My first day off in nearly a month. Actually, it didn’t end up being a day off, I had to work a 4 hour shift for a special event in town, but that was at night. The daylight hours were mine to waste.

Well. Not waste. You see, if you spend nearly three weeks running around like an idiot, certain things get neglected around the house. For me, that was the lawn. I had managed to squeeze in a cut on the front lawn a few days ago so the property didn’t look abandoned from the road, but the back yard was more than moderately untrimmed. In fact that by the time I did get around to cutting it in Saturday morning, it was less mowing the grass, and more ‘deforestation.’

With chagrin I noticed that our next door neighbor cuts his grass at least once a week, and has been making more and more passes onto our side of the property line, a clear message that stated “Mow your grass you deadbeat.”

So I got to it.

The Narrator loves to help me mow. He’ll sit on my lap on the tractor as we buzz the yard, wearing his sunglasses and ‘headphones’ – which are a pair of shooting earmuffs. When it comes time to rake the clippings, he’ll hop off the tractor, and hitch the wagon up all by himself. He takes off the parking break, works the throttle, and engages the deck when I need it. He does a great job, and his company makes mind-numbing work a little more bearable.

As I was raking the clippings, he decided to take a break. Since the tractor was running, he left the earmuffs on, but wanted to take off his sunglasses. I told him to put them in the cup holder on the tractor so we’d know where they were. I finished the first cut/rake cycle (yes, first. It took two) on the back yard then went to cut around the pine trees nearby. I swept as close as I could to them, the lower boughs nearly knocking me off the seat, while my son laughed at me from a safe distance. A short time later, he decided he wanted to help again, so he climbed back up on my lap and we looked for the sunglasses.

Gone.

Uh oh.

Oh, wait. I know where they are, they had probably been swept off the tractor by the pine boughs. So we went over to the thick trees to look for them.

“I see them daddy!” He said after a few moments of intense searching. “Oh. No wait, those are just some black things.”
Checking his find, I see that the ‘black things’ are the lenses of the glasses. It became rapidly apparent to me that not only had they been swept out of the cup holder, but also managed to get…..mowed. His beloved ‘favorite sunglasses’ had been mulched.

My first instinct was to not tell him what I’d realized, but as I was contemplating that, he found another piece. A long plastic arm from the doomed shades, prominently bearing a grinning Lightening McQueen.

Damn.

Needless to say, he ended up in tears with Mommy explaining how accidents happen and that we’ll gladly buy him a new pair of sunglasses (even though he has like six other pairs already) to replace his old ones.

I VERY briefly entertained the thought of taking a photo of the wrecked sunglasses for instagram/here, but I didn’t want to explain to him that I was photographing the source of his misery for the purpose of entertaining strangers on the internet.

Next time.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had a run in with the mower either. One day he’s yelling something to me over the roar of the engine, and as I struggled to hear him- I buzzed what I thought was an errant chunk of cardboard, but happened to be a box of sidewalk chalk that he had left in the lawn for some reason. The cloud of smoke that came out of the mower deck was colorful, but that wasn’t much of a consolation for him. Turns out he was trying to warn me about the chalk the whole time.

The upswing to the last few days was his Pre-School graduation, which was an amazing day from start to end. I’ll detail that some other time I think. I’ve been lacking for posting material lately, so I’ll keep that one in my back pocket for a while.

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