*First off: I know what you’re thinking. No, I absolutely did not zap my kids. A thousand internet shames for you if that’s the first place your mind went.
One of the good things about living in the district where I work, is that I can drop home from time to time while I’m driving around. If things aren’t horribly busy, I can grab a quick bite to eat at the house and save a few bucks. At the very least I try to get home for even a few fleeting minutes to see The Narrator once he gets home from school. If I had a long shift the night before, I’ll sleep right up to the point where he gets on the bus, I’ll get to say a hasty good-bye to him, pack him off to school, and be off to work before gets home.
So if I don’t get back for a little bit, I won’t see him at least until the next morning, and I don’t really care for that idea.
One day, I came back right around dinner time. Mini-Me has a fascination with all the gizmos on my belt, and I have to watch him or he’ll sneak around behind me and unsnap the handcuff case or turn on the flashlight. One day, he toddles up to me and is looking intently at the X26 (taser) on my belt.
“Daddy? Whas dat?”
I explained it as best I could, but he didn’t understand. Nor did The Narrator who had come over to see what was up. (He can’t stand to be left out of anything.)
To give them an idea, I dug up a few training videos from youtube- the ones where recruits are zapped a bit, and not the swear-laden field videos of actual deployments. The boys seemed to get the picture, and that was the end of it.
Or so I thought.
So you know how little kids will sometime pantomime ‘gun fingers’ when they’re playing? The thumb and index finger in an ‘L’ shape?
Well, my two year old doesn’t do that.
Instead, he points his two index fingers at you and yells:
“Taser! Taser! Taser! AAAHHHHHHHH!”
……I am doing literally everything wrong.