Gas and Comedic Timing

It could be that this post is a little gross, but we’ll all survive. I promise, and if your sense of humor is screwed on tight, I think you’ll be more amused than disgusted.
I have two small boys who think burps and farts are funny.

My two young boys have a father who also happens to think burps and farts are funny.

Between the three men in her life, my poor wife is often assaulted with such things, although she too has been known to give in to the humor of certain situations.

Once, while we were potty-training the little guy, he was running around without pants on. We found that if he didn’t have a diaper or pants on, he would ask to use the potty. It worked wonderfully, and he potty trained in the span of just a couple of days. But on this particular day, the half-naked runt was playing with his brother, and as brothers tend to do, they ended up arguing about something. Rather than scream at his brother, the little guy proceeded to lunge at his older sibling, then sit on him and bare-ass fart.
“I fart on you!” He yells.

I absolutely could not admonish him for that as I was crippled with laughter. The howling screams of the victim ringing only slightly louder than even my wife’s laughing.

The other day, we were driving through a parking lot when we hear a train blare its horn. My oldest, a very clever 6, starts looking out the window for it. I begin to muse.
“I wonder if they’d let me drive the train. How hard could it be?” In answer to my question, someone in the car audibly breaks wind.
“That hard.” Came the little voice from the back seat.

It’s a good thing I was practically in the parking space at the time because I was laughing way too hard to be a safe driver at that point.

….Yeah, I know. Barbaric. Uncouth. Ridiculous. The mere mention of such things is to be avoided in the presence of civilized people.
Well, newsflash, small children aren’t civilized. Also, civilized can be boring. Let ’em laugh while they’re little. If they’re pulling this sort of nonsense when they bring home a date or at a funeral somewhere, I promise, I’ll talk to them. Just for you.

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