So, AD’s going to school to be an EMT.
It isn’t what I want as a career, but I know the certification will help me get another law enforcement job, and make a few extra bucks a month with the Rescue Squad I’m working with. EMTs make a bit more than drivers do- and for damn good reason.
Actually, even as I write this I wait for word from the agency that offered me a job one week ago. I’ve heard nothing other than a phone call saying “This is an offer of employment.”
With that news alone, my wife is of the opinion that I should drop the EMT school and focus on the new job.
Trouble is, I haven’t started the new job yet, and if it falls apart before I do, then I miss out on the chance to get certified and take that somewhere else.
As soon as I hear from the job, I’ll probably end up dropping out of the school. Not because I don’t want the cert or the challenge, but because I simply will not have the time to work a 40 hour week job an hour from home, and get back to do two nights a week at school a half an hour from home…in the other direction. Starting a new job atop of the demands that EMT school is presenting me will be suicide.
If I get a phone call today about the job, I’ll make two calls myself. First- to my wife. (duh) Second, to the instructor of the class. My ambulance administrator, I won’t call her. I’ll talk to her in person. She got me into the class, and has been a fabulous human being since I started working for her, she’ll deserve an in-person meeting.
The more I think about this class, the more I kind of wish I could do both. But if this job comes through, I need to focus on it and only it. I can’t afford to spread myself thin again and risk ruining my chance at what has become my dream job.
That’ll mean leaving the IT job completely, and probably dumping the ambulance altogether as well. When I worked my last job, the pay wasn’t spectacular, so I kept some of the IT work to make ends meet. This new one though, will not require that, so I can afford to drop it.
The last time I worked full-time, I was still working three jobs. This time? My full-time job will be my only-time job, and will get all of my attention, all of my energy, and all of my focus.
But it hasn’t happened yet. All I have is a verbal from the chief asking me if I wanted to work for them. Nothing’s been signed, nothing’s been set in stone, and nothing’s a sure thing. So, I am continuing as planned. I’m acting as though I never got that call. Because I can’t make any changes that would jeopardize things in the event that I lose out on the job. If I drop EMT school and then don’t get the job, I look like a heel, possibly miss out on a bit extra at the ambulance, AND the certification that would help me get into another job.
There’s another reason I’m keeping my mouth shut and my ass enrolled in the class.
This promises to be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, and that includes going to the police academy. When I left day one of the police academy after 8 hours of punishment at the hands of 5 drill instructors who all had some level of military experience, I had no doubt in my mind that I’d be going back, and that I’d make it. The thought of washing out never entered my mind.
After the first day of EMT school? Doubt. Cold, stomach-knotting doubt. I filled out the paperwork mechanically, the whole time pondering the weight of the task ahead of me. Day two of the school, when we started the actual learning, the doubt was still there. Gnawing at me.
“Can you do this?”
It isn’t that I am worried about being bled on, puked on, peed on….most of that’s happened already in my time in police, fire, and EMS as a driver. No, that’s not what worries me. I’ve pulled people from burning buildings. I’ve taken deceased people out of car accidents. None of that bothered me. What gets to me now…is the idea that I’m directly responsible for the health and well-being of patients. Do something wrong, and they end up worse off than they were before I got there. It isn’t even doing something wrong- it’s the possibility of NOT doing something RIGHT…(not the same thing, think about it.) Failure to follow protocols and procedures at every step of the way could lead to a breakdown in patient care, at the possible cost of a human life.
So for this reason, it is a challenge.
I’m hoping I get a phone call today about this new job and my problems are solved. But if I don’t, I go back to school next week with the doubt and worry weighing on me heavier than anything I ever dealt with in the police academy.
I’ve worked alongside our counties EMTs and Paramedics in one form or another for almost a decade now. I watched them revive a woman that my partner and I pulled from a house fire whose face was the most horrifying shade of blue you can imagine. I’ve seen them dealing with people at their worst, and there’s a piece of me that can’t believe I have the audacity to think I can work among them. To do what they do as well as they do.
How dare I? Especially since I don’t plan on making an actual career out of it. My taking their training to use as a tool somewhere else seems terrible to me, bit it needs to be done if I hope to advance somewhere down the line.
I don’t know. So very much is sitting in my head this last week that I don’t know how I’ve got the room to formulate actual sentences, much less function properly as a human being.