Living rural in an old house, especially now that the weather is getting colder, we have the occasional mouse that ventures into the living space. Usually the strategically-placed traps take care of them for us, but every now and then, one gets past the first line of defense and a Benny Hill-like situation occurs.
Last night’s was epic, and is still ongoing.
Somewhere around 9:30, Hobbes, our male cat starts going berserk. He’s usually pretty even tempered, but his erratic and unglued behavior indicated that he was on to something. It didn’t take long for us to find out what. A mouse (Whom I will refer to from here out as Houdini, for reasons which will become apparent momentarily) runs into the living room and dives behind the boys’ lego bin. Hobbes does this back and forth run from one side of the box to the other trying to catch it.
Houdini eludes both of us, for by this time I’m out of the comfort of my recliner and pulling on a pair of boots. For stompin.’
He flees back into the kitchen. I get there to find that Hobbes has been joined by his corpulent sister, Snack. The two of them are nosing around the vacuum near the refrigerator. I move the vacuum and figure he must be behind the fridge. I strategically set two tunnel traps and wait. As I wait, Hobbes goes back to the vacuum. He’s sniffing and batting the bottom of it. Holy hell, the little bastard is IN the vacuum. I get clever, and put the bottom of the vacuum into a big cardboard box. Sure enough after some shaking and whacking, out he comes into the box. I cackle triumphantly. I’ve got him trapped.
The little shit LEAPS out of the box and takes off. Into the dining room, followed closely by Hobbes and I, one of us shouting obscenities, and it wasn’t the cat.
My wife freaks as it becomes apparent Houdini is CLIMBING THE DRAPES in the dining room. He’s up on the curtain rod now. Trapped. We’ve got him!
I take a swipe at it with a rolled up news paper, he falls to the floor and takes off under the couch. Hobbes and I pin him behind the couch. He manages to escape into the closet in the living room. Now I’m tearing apart the living room closet while my wife stands on a chair. He escaped the goddamn closet and goes behind a bookcase. At the back of the bookcase is a piece of cardboard which I press against and trap him. Hobbes closes in. It escapes and darts back into the dining room. My obscenities are absolutely ruining the atmosphere at this point.
Here’s the incredulous part.
As it takes off into the dining room, Snack, our fat, worthless beast is sitting under the table. Houdini is running right for her. He gets closer, she sits. Closer still, she sits. The mouse runs RIGHT INTO THE CAT, bounces off her fat ass, and screeches off into the kitchen again. This time I watch as he vanishes behind the fridge. For real this time.
Knowing he’s trapped, I set the two tunnel traps again. There’s nothing I can do so I start cleaning up the living room, and we go to bed.
This morning, not only are the tunnels empty, but one of the cats had apparently moved one away from the side of the refrigerator, creating an escape alley for the little bastard.
We wake The Narrator up for school and I get ready for work. Hobbes immediately bee-lines into his room and starts sniffing around. Suddenly, there’s the effing mouse! Hobbes and I chased it around the bedroom for a solid fifteen minutes before it flees into the hallway and into Mini-Me’s room and into HIS closet. Hobbes had it at one point, but I realized his intent is to play with the effing thing, not kill it. So, he’s virtually as worthless as his stupid sister.
Having to leave for work, I sealed the bottom of the closet door with some duct tape and a couple of heavy books. I’ll hopefully finish the job tonight when I get home from work. I have a plan. I’m going to seal myself into Mini-Me’s room and line the walls with sticky traps. Mice have terrible eyesight, so they tend to stick to walls when they run if they can help it. He’s in the smallest room of the house now. If I lock myself in there with him, this should be the end of the tale.
Stay tuned as AD combats the most clever mouse in the history of vermin.